tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60134839597051655952023-11-16T09:42:43.445-08:00My Fight For MotherhoodVictoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-19381615120353302972016-11-14T08:20:00.000-08:002016-11-14T08:20:06.334-08:00In the Best Interest of the ChildrenI read a blog post this morning. And it helped me put this into words. I have thought it several times, but wasn't able to put it in words coherently. This is the blog post I read. <a href="http://rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com/2016/11/adoption-is-ugly.html">Adoption Is Ugly</a>. And it brought me to tears. I know they both love their son. And I know they get it. They know how hard this is on this little boy that didn't ask for this life. He loves both of his moms. And he's torn right down the middle. And both of his moms know this. But I want to present a situation. I want to know what everyone thinks of it. How should it be done? How would you do it? I will say now that what I am writing today is not about them. I don't know their whole story. And I don't know what they would do in this situation. But it is a good post, and well worth the read.<br />
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There is a mom that finds herself in a crisis. Pregnant with her child that she knows she can't care for right now. She calls an adoption agency, and makes the difficult decision to do the best for her baby and chooses another family to raise and love this sweet life. She makes the "loving option" to do what's in the best interest of the child. (These are the adoption industries words, not mine.)<br />
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Now the two families are joined together by this little boy. They are honest and open with each other. They acknowledge the pain caused by the adoption. And they love this little boy more than life itself. After all they are both mom, and this is what moms do.<br />
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The first mom overcomes her crisis. In this instance I will use the fact that she didn't have a job, and therefore couldn't afford to take care of the baby. She gets a good job. She meets a nice man, settles down and gets married. Buys a home. Everything she couldn't do. And everything that stood out and made her choose the second mom. She talks to and visits her son every chance she gets. Both moms are glad there is such a strong connection.<br />
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Now their son turns 14. He is a good kid. He loves his parents. All of them. He decides that he would like to move in with his first mom. She has other children now. His siblings. She can clearly afford to take care of him. And she would love the chance to have what the second mom has. To be able to kiss him goodnight every night. Cook his dinner. Take him to football practice. Help him with his homework. You know, all the things she has missed out on. The things she didn't feel she could do at the time, but now she can. And of course he would still have two moms. He would be able to talk to and see his second mom just as much as he did with his first mom. Nothing would change but the childs address. What do you think should happen here? What would you do, as the fist mom or the adoptive mom? You each made the choice in the best interest of the child when he was too young to make the choice for himself. What do you do when he is old enough? Adoptive moms, do you love your child enough to let them go?<br />
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<br />Victoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-25400727357166695172016-01-31T20:54:00.001-08:002016-01-31T20:54:57.849-08:00New Thoughts on My "Open Adoptions"I literally just spent every spare moment I had for the last few weeks reading the blog at <a href="http://sisterwish.com/">sisterwish.com</a> from beginning to end. And it has truly broken my heart. And made me question my relationships with my sons even more than I did before.<br />
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I was reunited with my sons as each turned 14 years old. I had not seen them since they were 1 and 2 years old. The two reunions went very differently, as they had two very different kinds of parents. The people that adopted Christopher (I will never be able to call them parents) were the kind of people that owned the child. That expected everyone to do as they said when they said and if you didn't then the adoption was slammed shut. Even if you did do as they asked, they found a reason to close it again anyway. They did this repeatedly for 3 years. Then at 17 they signed guardianship papers to someone else to keep him away from me. That crazy lady did the same thing for the next year, until he left walking and came home to me. When he came home, he called me mom. He got a job to help out since I was struggling. He was just my son. We had fights. He moved out a couple times, and he always came home. I made a point of telling him he had just as much right to be there as his siblings, and his little brother stayed in a lot of trouble for trying to cast him as the outsider. I answered all of his questions about the adoption. I apologized for not being stronger. For not being able to fight longer. For giving up, even though I never wanted to do that.<br />
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Jeremy's parents agreed with me that Jeremy should lead the reunion. He decided when we would meet, when he would start spending nights at my house and when he would move back in with me, which he did, shortly after Christopher did. That was the first time I had all of my children together. When Jeremy lived with me, he would ask permission to go to his other parents house, just like he asked to come to mine when he lived with them. If his mom wanted him for a weekend, she would call and ask me if we had plans, before asking if she could take him. She would also take Christopher and put him to work. We were literally co-parenting. I often likened it to a divorce where the parents actually got along and put the child first. He eventually moved back home with his parents and is now raising a daughter of his own. My sweet granddaughter, that I am not limited in involvement. A baby that will not have to "find" her biological family. We will always just be here.<br />
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Then I read Kat's blog. And my heart broke. Have I made my sons feel like they are really loved? Do they hate me? Do they find it hard to connect with me? We are now the only family Christopher has. And I know he loves me. And I know he knows how much I love him. But when given the chance recently he was quick to move in with my sister. I am pregnant now with his last sibling from me. And he is about to move 4 hours away with my sister and her family. He seems to be able to connect to her and her kids better than he can to me and his siblings. And now I think I know why. And I don't know how to proceed really. I cried so much reading <a href="http://www.sisterwish.com/a-letter-never-to-be-sent/">A Letter Never to be Sent</a>. And it made me want to write my own letters. My kids know of my blog, but I don't think they ever read it. But either way, I want to write this for them. I don't know if I will ever send it. I want to. But it's hard to put myself out there like that. And I'm sure it's even harder for them.<br />
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My Dearest Sons,<br />
You two really are my world. I know it's hard to talk about adoption, but it is such a big part of our lives. It's the reason we are who we are today. There are other things that have shaped us, but that is the biggest one. I want to tell you some things. Because I feel that you may never ask. Some of it I have told you, but I want to tell you again, because it means so much to me for you to know.<br />
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I loved being pregnant with each of you. Christopher, you gave me the happiness of being a new mother. You gave me the promise of a bright future. Someone I could love and protect. Someone I could teach and watch grow. Someone I could protect like I had never been protected. A way to make myself worthy. And I should have never looked at it that way. You should have never been my savior. But you were. Jeremy your pregnancy was just as wonderful, but it was also fraught with worry. I had already lost your brother, and I was fighting to get him back. My pregnancy with you was full of joy while I was awake, and full of nightmares of losing you when I was sleeping.<br />
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The day each of you were born was magical in it's own way. Both instances brought tears. Tears of joy at this perfect little human that my body had grown, and fear of not being good enough to raise you right. I never had the fear that I wouldn't raise you at all. Even though that turned out to be the case.<br />
<br />
During my last visit with you, I had my dad and his girlfriend there. Along with my husband and 3 step children. I didn't talk very much. I cried a lot. I kissed you a lot. And I whispered that I loved you and begged you to remember me. I promised that I would never give up hope of finding you again one day and letting you know that you were never forgotten. I promised I would always love you and miss you. And I promised that you would have a good life.<br />
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I tried my best to move on. To tell myself that you were both loved and happy. But I couldn't move on. I quit having fun. I refused to have fun. I didn't deserve it. A woman not raising her children shouldn't be having fun. And I ended up with severe social anxiety. I am getting over it now. But it crippled me in so many aspects of my life. With each of the pregnancies after losing you I have had nightmares through the entire pregnancy and for months after their births. I wondered how I would be able to tell you that I raised so many other kids and couldn't raise you. I wondered how much you would hate me for that. Especially considering I didn't give birth to them all.<br />
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I hate what adoption did to my life. But I am just the mother. My biggest concern is how did it affect you? I know it has to be harder on you than on me. How can I make it better? Is that even possible? I wish I knew. And I wish I could tell you that I am open to answering any questions you have. I wish I could tell you that I understand if you hate me. And you are free to tell me that. Your feelings are so much more important than mine. I wish I had the answers. Are you uncomfortable around me? Is it hard for you to connect to me and your siblings? You seem more connected to Alexia than Joshua. Is that because you have known her since birth? And Joshua remembers you not being there? Does the age affect the reunion? Kat said it is easier to connect with others. Is that true for you too? Is there anything I can do to make it easier to connect to me?<br />
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I love you. Always.<br />
Love,<br />
MomVictoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-78657901036681875902015-07-03T21:47:00.002-07:002021-11-22T18:04:19.920-08:00Parental AlienationFor those of you who feel a need to read my blog and try to find bad things in it, to use against me, good luck. But this is one post you should definitely read and pay attention to. Print it out if you want. Or ignore it, which is more likely. But you should know this anyway. Parental alienation is child abuse. It isn't something that is punishable by law yet. Hopefully one day it will be. Because no child should have to endure it. But it is a crime that will be punished by the children themselves. When the children get older and see how much they are loved, and how much they are missed. When they see that they were kept from the other parent out of pure selfishness and hate. When they grow up and figure out that they missed out on so much because one parent is so worried about what the other parent is doing, that they use the child as a weapon. You aren't going to be in control forever. They won't always be babies. One day they will have a voice. And it will be detrimental to the bond you now share.<br />
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For anyone that wants to know, I love my children. And I will continue to fight for the right I have to be involved in their lives. I won't let the lies you tell tear me apart. And I won't let them stop me from being with my children. That is a fight I will never give up on. And it's one no parent should have to fight. How do you think your children are going to feel when they know what's going on? Look around you. You know people that have been there. Where are they now? Do you want that? Parents can love more than one child. When will parents understand that kids can love more than one parent?<br />
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I have always encouraged my children to love everyone. And I have defended people who I shouldn't have had to defend, to protect my children's love for them. Everyone always came to me to keep their kids, or help with problems their kids were having. And now all of a sudden everyone has decided I shouldn't be around kids. Why? Because you think people should stay in unhappy and unhealthy relationships because you want them to? That doesn't make sense to me. The only joy you get out of life is being wrapped up in everyone else's drama. Get a life and let the parents that should be raising these children, raise them. It's not your concern. If you do care about the kids, let them be happy with both of their parents. They don't have to be together to raise a child.Victoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-75235140863235024432015-06-25T08:17:00.002-07:002021-11-22T18:06:27.980-08:00Still fighting kind ofMy ex and I finally reached a final agreement. I have my daughter from 8 a.m. on Monday until 8 p.m. on Wednesday, and we alternate holidays. Until school starts. Then I get her one night during the week and every other weekend. I am glad that I got it to where she is at her aunt's house one less day a week, but I am still not happy. Even though I will get her less when school starts, I can't wait for it to start, because that will keep her away from her aunt as a babysitter except for a couple of hours a day. I know that sounds petty, but her aunt is really a bad person for her to be with. She has been so damaged by her, that I don't know how long it will take to help her get over it, when I can finally get her away completely. I am not going to stop fighting to get her back. Her dad will give me what I need to take her back. I have no doubt of that. But for now, I had to agree to something to get out from under that judge for a while.<br />Victoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-52692812652875681132015-04-12T19:50:00.003-07:002021-11-22T18:07:33.408-08:00Letters to my childrenDear Jay,<br />
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You were so close to me when you were younger. I did the best I could. I always loved you unconditionally. I still do. And I still hope one day that you find your way back to the wonderful man you were. I love you.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Keri,<br />
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You were always the most sensitive. Maybe that's why you are still around. I know you have your problems. And I hope one day you find a way to trust in yourself enough to find the answers to the problems and fix them. I love you, and I am always here.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Seana,<br />
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You were my baby for so many years. You were the only one that remembered me in places your mom should have been. You truly felt I had been there forever. I hope one day you give me the chance to be there again. I love you so much.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Christopher,<br />
<br />
Through a little over a year, we have been through a lot. I think you finally realize what it feels like to belong. I hope so anyway. I do my best to show you how much you are loved. And how happy we are to have you home. You have always been loved and missed. And though I know there will still be hard times, like there are with every mother and son, I hope you know that I truly try to do what I think is best for all of us. I love you Pooh Bear.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Jeremy,<br />
<br />
I know you aren't talking to me right now. But I do hope that one day you understand that I have to be fair to everyone in the house. And I have to take care of all of my kids. And I love you just as much as I do your siblings. We were getting so close after you came home, and I hope one day we can work on getting closer again. I love you my baby boy.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Joshua,<br />
<br />
You are growing so fast. The first of my children that I was able to raise from birth on up. And I will continue to raise into adulthood. You have taught me so much that I didn't learn with all of your older siblings. And really your younger siblings are so much different too. You are truly one of a kind. I hope that I am doing what is best for you. Everything in me wants to raise you my way, with homeschooling and keeping you close. But you seem to enjoy the independence you have now in going to public school, and spreading your wings a little. I am sorry that I couldn't keep your dad as involved as he was, but then I also think that it may be better if he isn't as involved as he used to be. I want so much for you to grow up into an independent, strong, loving person, and though I know your dad loves you, he isn't the best at instilling those values. I will continue to do the best I can. I love you Cow Baby.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Alexia,<br />
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I am still fighting for you. Hopefully soon I will get more than the 48 hours a week I have been granted. I want you home. I want to be able to take care of you. I hate that you aren't getting your medicine like you're supposed to, and you get sick so much. I hate that you are being told that you can't kiss us, or wear nail polish, or be my little girl. I want so much to bring you home and protect you. And I promise you that no matter what happens in court, I will not give up. You are my baby girl. And I will fight for you for as long as it takes. I love you ninita. I can't wait for you to come home. <br />
<br />Victoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-1939665005129645372014-10-03T12:02:00.002-07:002014-10-03T12:02:50.307-07:00This is going to be hardI have been talking to a really good friend a lot lately about the pains of my past. He is my roommate. I have known him for 10 years. And he is the one person I feel safe talking to about anything. His name is Cody.<br />
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We were talking last night. And once again I went into talking about the adoptions of Christopher and Jeremy. And the pain and resentment I hold against John (my ex) for the part he played in it. Cody told me that I should talk to John and tell him everything that I feel about him. So I told John that I wanted to talk to him, and he is supposed to be coming over tonight after I get off work so I can do that. But for now, I will tell you all what part he played and how much I hate him for him.<br />
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I told you that I attempted suicide when CPS wouldn't leave me alone. And that's how they got both of my children. What I didn't tell you what that while I was sitting in a mental hospital, I got a phone call every evening before we went to bed. I used that phone call every night to call my husband. The one person that is supposed to stand by my side and have empathy for me. And love me. And know me. He should have known that my children were my world. That the thought of losing my children was what drove me to attempt suicide in the first place. During one of those phone calls he told me that he had sent his children to live with their maternal grandparents. And that he thought we would be better without any kids at all. That we should just give them all up. And just be us.<br />
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When I came home I continued to fight for my children. I let him make the decision to leave his children where they were. 6 months later I was drugged into giving up my fight. When I came off the drugs and realized what I had done, I couldn't function. So I told John that if he didn't bring his kids back that I had no reason to stay. That I was meant to be a mama. I told him then that I hated him for what he had done. But that I just wanted his kids back because no one could take them from me. He went and got them. I went back to being a mama. A couple of weeks later, I woke up and was so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed. I stayed in bed and cried all day. I didn't get up and feed the kids or anything. When John came home he came in and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I didn't know if I could do this. If I could raise his children when I wasn't even raising my own. He essentially told me to snap out of it. That the pictures and talking about them were too painful. So he put all of the pictures up. And did away with any personal effects that belonged to my boys. And his children and I were forbidden to talk about them. They no longer existed. There was no proof that there was ever 2 babies living in that house. The only time he conceded was on their birthdays when I was allowed to bake them a cake.<br />
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I left John several times over the course of our marriage. He always forced me to come back. By withholding his children from me. I wasn't allowed to see them or speak to them. And they were my life. They were my children. And I couldn't lose any more. So I would come back. And I would be a stay at home mom. I would hold the children when they cried for their mom. And at night when I was talking to John I would say, "I wonder if Christopher or Jeremy remember me? I wonder if they cry for me? And I wonder if they do, if their new moms hold them and comfort them?" His response was always, "Don't worry about them. They're fine. They were little enough to forget you. So don't talk about it, because all it does is make you said and you have 3 kids in there to raise." So I would bottle it up. And I would let it go. And I did that until his youngest child was an adult. That way the kids could make the decision of whether to see me or not.<br />
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I hate John for giving my babies away. I hate him for telling me to forget them. I hate him for telling me we were better off without children. I hate him for expecting me to raise his children and not my own. I hate him for withholding those children from me when I did try to leave him. I hate him for beating my self worth down so far that it has taken me 16 years to work up the courage to confront him.<br />
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I hate that I am mad at his children. And I didn't even realize that until just now. But I am. They don't really talk to me. They don't come to see me. And at times they are plainly disrespectful to me. I don't know if they realize what I sacrificed to be there for them. But since they are all in their mid 20's now, you would think they did. And I don't know if that is a conversation I should have with them.<br />
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I need to find a way to heal from this anger. And do it without hurting my children even more by telling them the truth.Victoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-87312248788373871072014-08-21T16:43:00.000-07:002014-08-21T16:43:40.610-07:00I am so sad againI have an app downloaded to my phone called Timehop Abe. It connects to my Facebook and pulls us posts that happened on this day up to 4 years ago. Every other day I am seeing posts of the fight for Veronica Brown. And every day my heart is breaking again. I go online and google everything I can about the case. And everything pretty much disappeared a year ago when he handed her over. I can not get this little girl out of my mind. It doesn't help that because of her Hispanic heritage she looks a little like my daughter. And maybe it's even harder now because I haven't seen my daughter in almost a month. On the 24th, the day I learned last year about him handing her over will be a month that I have not seen my sweet Alexia. I don't know when I will see her again. Or if I will end up in jail for back child support before I get a chance to see her. My ex is reminding me a lot of the Capobiancos. He has no heart. He doesn't care about that little girl that he is withholding from me. He doesn't care about anything but himself, and what he can do to prove he is superior to everyone. I will not rest until I get my daughter back. And get her away from the people that are ruining her mind. They are teaching her all kinds of awful things. Like that her brothers are not her brothers and that we are all "yucky". That she needs to stay with her daddy at night because he is by himself and he will be scared. I just want to wrap my baby in my arms and protect her. And I wish Dusten had been able to do the same with Veronica.<br />
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I wish all the mothers and fathers out there fighting for their children out of love and caring could hold their children close and protect them from the crazies in this world.Victoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-56312467793064375762014-08-11T21:02:00.000-07:002014-08-11T21:02:02.710-07:00I thought the fights were overI honestly thought the fights for my children were over. Then I filed for divorce. And I lost my daughter. The first thing they talked about in court was the fact that I had lost Christopher and Jeremy all those years ago. It didn't matter that Jeremy's adoptive mom wrote a letter to the judge telling him what a good mom I am. And that she lets me keep Jeremy any time I want to. And now both Christopher and Jeremy live at home with me. And I haven't seen my daughter in 3 weeks.<br />
<br />
They taught her to say that Joshua's dad had molested her, which he would never do that. And then finally she stopped saying it. The investigators determined that it was untrue. And then 3 weeks ago she showed me and told me how her daddy touched her. I called the police. I took her to the hospital. And CPS was called. And because her daddy has primary physical custody he could decide where she went. He decided to let his sister keep her. The same sister that taught her to say that John molested her. And I had to turn her over in front of the case worker. My daughter was crying and screaming. She looked terrified. And they had to pry her out of my arms. She didn't want to let go. That woman is destroying my child. And there is nothing I can do about it. Because as CPS says, "Her dad presents himself well, and is very cooperative. And you have a history of not cooperating. And there have already been allegations of her being molested in your care."<br />
<br />
So they have not told me anything. And I have not seen my daughter. And I am dying inside. I don't know where to turn any more. But I will never walk away. I am a damn good mother. And I will continue my fight for motherhood, because that is what I was meant to be. A mother.Victoria Gallegoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05543578884929358014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-3115131551325165622014-03-22T01:50:00.000-07:002014-03-22T01:50:05.685-07:00Domestic Infant AdoptionI have been reading a lot on facebook and cafemom about adoption. I do it all the time really. But lately it has really been getting under my skin. And that means I have started talking about it. I have started talking to people that have no connection to adoption whatsoever. And I have been sending friends links to my blog. So I am finally sharing my private spot. And it feels good.<br />
<br />
I shared my blog with a friend I went to school with. She read some of it and asked me a question. Why am I so against adoption? So I started typing my reply to her. And I thought, you know that would make a great blog post. So here it is.<br />
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I went back in my own blog to find the support for my argument. In this blog post <a href="http://myfightformotherhood.blogspot.com/2012/11/happy-17th-birthday-c.html">Christopher's birthday</a> I told the story of my pregnancy and his birth. I was young. 17. And I had no support from a my family. Well, I could have still lived there I'm sure, but that wouldn't have been good for Christopher. So what did I do? I ran away to live with an older man that had a job, so he could take care of me. Yeah that wasn't smart either, but I didn't have many options. Not sure if you see where this is going, but I will explain.<br />
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Women are conned out of their children daily. How? They have no family support. No job. They are young. They don't know the resources available to them. So maybe they talk to a counselor at school. Maybe they are directed to a crisis pregnancy counselor. Maybe they use google on their smartphone and search "unplanned pregancy" like I just did. You know what I saw?<br />
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You see those first 3 things right there? Adoption.... A scared teenager, doesn't have a chance. She loves her baby and don't know what to do. She will call to talk to someone about her options, and they will decide that she really doesn't have any. She can't take care of a baby. So she should give her baby to someone that can.<br />
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Luckily, I didn't do any of those things. I ran. I went somewhere that I knew I could get some support and keep my baby, even if it was the wrong kind of support. I made a stupid decision. But I made it out of love and worry for my child.<br />
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The world is told that women "birthmoms" love their child enough to give it a chance. A better life. That is just not true. These women need support. They need to know that they can keep their child and raise their child and that everything will be okay.<br />
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Then we have these people that say well, if you don't have adoption as a choice then these women will choose abortion, or they will beat their child. Or their child will be neglected because they don't have the resources. Or there are the women that really just don't want their baby. Sadly, I know this is true in the very rare case. But let me explain something. A woman that does not want a baby does not normally go and find the perfect parents to raise this baby. They don't care. You read daily about women that kill their children. Throw them in dumpsters. Beat them to death. Starve them to death. These are the women that truly do not want their child. They care so little about the child, that they couldn't take the time to be bothered finding another family for it.<br />
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I have children. And I am not going to lie. There are weeks we eat spaghetti for days because that's what I can afford. And there are days that I don't eat at all. If there isn't enough food, I tell the kids I'm not hungry. Just so I know they can have two plates full because that's what they always eat. I don't have a good job making lots of money. And what money I do have has to pay our bills. And then I borrow money that I have trouble paying back, just to pay the next bill. But my children are in a home with lights, water, food. They are not beaten or starved. They are not neglected. They are wanted by a poor mother. I am not looking for homes for my children. I'm not going to love them enough to give them away. I'm going to love them enough to do what I have to to provide for them. Because that's what a Mama does, when someone tells her she can. So please, quit telling her she can't.<br />
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I am not completely against adoption like some people are. I think a lot needs to change with the way anything is done. But I am not against it. I have a wonderful friend that just adopted 6 children from foster care. She was one of the very few that would take on 6 siblings just so they didn't get separated by adoption. I think if you are going to adopt it should be from foster care. Yes, those children may have problems. But even if you had a child yourself, that child could have problems. Yes, I know taking in a child that was beaten and neglected and abused is asking for trouble. But that child that you could make a difference for didn't ask for that trouble either. But they have to live with it. Wouldn't it be nice if they found a family to love and support them. To help them with their troubles instead of bouncing from home to home, never really getting close to anyone because they don't know how long they will be there. Never really trusting people. If you truly want to save a child, you do that through foster care. No, not all parents of foster kids are bad. I'm not. But no one knows how crooked this system is. You may be saving a child from their parents. You may not. But you will definitely be saving a child from a lifetime of shuffling from one home to another in a system that doesn't care.<br />
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Okay, I am going on little sleep, so I am not even sure that made sense. But that is my thoughts over the last few days. I hope someone can read it, and learn....<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-54128879810947409152014-01-04T17:47:00.001-08:002014-01-04T17:47:03.581-08:00Yet Another FightI know I have been missing for a while now. And I am not writing too much today either. I just wanted to let you all know that I am again in a fight for one of my children. I am getting divorced and right now under the temporary order my husband has custody of our 2 year old daughter. As I am in the middle of this fight, I can't post too much information on it. Just wanted to let you all know why I am absent from my writing. I still plan to follow through on writing for others, but right now I have to concentrate on getting my daughter back. Thank you all for your patience.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-42508280918665675522013-09-17T06:40:00.000-07:002013-09-17T06:40:05.787-07:00My blog is going placesI started this blog to tell everyone my story. The injustice of me losing my sons, and the continued stigma that I have had to deal with in this corrupt county. I know my county is not the only one like that. I knew that there was corruption throughout the world that just hadn't been brought to light. What I didn't know when I started this was that there was also corruption as far as domestic infant adoption goes. I was blind. I had believed that the view we are given of adoption is the truth. That sometimes parents for some reason, don't want the child they created. So they call an adoption agency and sign this paper saying, "I don't want this baby" and the baby is placed with people that do want a child. Yeah naive me.... Bought the whole thing. Let me tell you what I have found out since I started really looking into adoption, and how it is really done. And if you still have these beliefs like I did, let me shed some truth into your world.<br />
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Women are coerced out of children that they want. They are told they are not good enough, and they are not told of all the ways they can get the support they need to raise their child. So they are told about this awesome thing called adoption and promised so much like visitation and knowing your child throughout their life. Until the paper is signed. Then they learn that none of that is true. It's not legally binding. Because you are now a legal stranger to the child you gave birth to.<br />
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Then there are the mothers that for some reason, truly do not want the child. I don't know what could make a woman feel this way, but that is her and her business. If she doesn't want the child, I don't feel she should have to raise the child. What I do have a problem with is when she takes that decision away from the father too. If you don't want your child, give him/her to the father and let the father do it. There is something very wrong in the fact that a mother can do this and the father is left to fight for the right to raise his own child. Those are the cases I am reading right now.<br />
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So where is my blog going? My fight for motherhood is over. There is nothing I can do to change what happened to me. Nothing I can say that will matter at all in what happened to me 14 years ago. But I can be a voice for the ones fighting now. The ones fighting for the right to raise their child. I started with Veronica Rose Brown. I will continue with others. And try to keep everyone informed of the facts. And also let everyone that reads here, know my opinion on such matters. I am currently reading the cases of Anthony Lingle and the fight for his daughter Hailey. You can read about it too. On facebook at Bring Hailey Home or at <a href="http://www.bringhaileyhome.com/">www.bringhaileyhome.com</a>. I am also reading about Rob Manzanares and his fight for his daughter Kaia. You can read his story at <a href="http://www.illegaladoption.com/">www.illegaladoption.com</a>. I will continue to read the stories, and write what I learn. I hope you go too and support these fathers in their fight. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-81223558964488436362013-08-23T09:39:00.000-07:002013-08-23T11:42:05.672-07:00Standing my ground for Veronica BrownI have been working on the post about my sons visit with his biological father, but I keep coming to a stand still. I am living, breathing, and dreaming of Veronica Brown. She has consumed my life for the past few months. So since that is all I can think of, I think I should lend my voice to the countless others in Standing My Ground and doing my best to speak for this child that doesn't have a voice of her own. So here it goes.<br />
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Veronica Brown was conceived by two people in love. Two people engaged to be married. Dusten Brown and Christy Maldonado. For whatever reason she chose, Christy broke off the engagement even as Dusten was trying to push up the wedding. Later Christy cut off all contact with Dusten, and he hoped that by giving her some space, she would come around and come back to him. And then they could raise their daughter together. You know, the whole "happily ever after" thing. But that was not to be.<br />
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Christy purposely withheld from Dusten that she planned to place their child for adoption. And she gave false information to the adoption agency that she used and to the prospective adoptive parents that she chose for this little girl. This little girl that had a daddy that wanted her. Wanted to marry her mom, and raise her.<br />
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Matt and Melanie Capobianco, the prospective adoptive parents, couldn't wait to add to their family. I know almost everyone wants to have a baby. And I am sure that they were thrilled that they had been chosen, finally, by an expectant mom, to raise a baby. I have no doubt that they loved her the moment she was born. I have no doubt that they were greatly blessed to have been in the delivery room. For Matt to cut the umbilical cord. For them to welcome their baby into this world. To start the bonding experience at birth. (For the record, I am 100% against pre-birth matching, but I am trying to look at this from the outside and take into account all the truths.)<br />
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When Veronica was 4 months old the Capobianco's found out that Dusten did not want to sign his rights over. He wanted to raise his daughter. They fought this for the next 23 months, and finally a judge gave Veronica back to Dusten at the age of 27 months. On New Years Eve 2011. What a way to bring in the New Year by bringing your daughter home. I imagine the entire family was ecstatic.<br />
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But the fight continued over the next 19 months, and by using loopholes in law and using money, the Capobianco's somehow got a court to finalize the adoption of a girl living with her father, and demanded her immediate return to genetic strangers.<br />
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You can fact check here <a href="http://keepveronicahome.com/index.php/fact-check">http://keepveronicahome.com/index.php/fact-check</a> and you can read the timeline here <a href="http://www.nicwa.org/BabyVeronica/documents/Timeline_Feb_000.pdf">http://www.nicwa.org/BabyVeronica/documents/Timeline_Feb_000.pdf</a><br />
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Now for my thoughts and opinions.<br />
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I don't see how anyone can fight to take a child away from her father. A fit, loving father that is caring for her needs. Where she is happy, healthy, loved and wanted. This is where my sympathy for the Capobianco's end. And where their love for Veronica turns into a desire to win. A desire to get what they paid for. They spent all their money, and some they borrowed and begged for, to purchase a child. Sure some call it birth mother expenses, but whatever. I call it buying a child. If the agency had called Matt and Melanie up and said, "Hey, we have this woman that really wants to keep her child, but she can't afford to. Could you please help her make her car payments, and rent payment, and maybe take her out to eat, since she doesn't even have the money for food." Do you think they would have raised all that money to give to Christy so she could keep Veronica? Yeah, me either. That in my opinion means they bought a child.<br />
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Fast forward 4 months, (we will pretend that they didn't know the child was Cherokee) to when they found out that several lies had been told, several laws had been broken, and this father wanted his child. Why fight that? Because you paid $XXXX to get her home in the first place? Anyway the fight ensues. Throughout the fight Dusten uses the Indian Child Welfare Act, to show that he should have Veronica, and he finally wins. After 23 months of fighting he brings his daughter home. Fight over? No.....<br />
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The Capobianco's continue the fight by saying that the Indian Child Welfare Act doesn't apply to this case, And they win! Ridiculous!!!<br />
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Now, I am going to move away from the Indian Child Welfare Act (it is a very important act, but doesn't play into my opinion of this case at all) and all the other laws used to fight this battle. And I am going to go into some questions. Feel free not to answer, or feel free to answer. Your call. But please, at least look into your heart and answer them for yourself.<br />
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1. Why do we need all these laws to fight for our children? Shouldn't the fact that we created them be enough of an argument? Shouldn't that trump any other argument or law out there?<br />
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2. Why does the law make it so easy to circumvent a fathers rights to his child? If the mother wants to give the child up for adoption, that's fine and dandy. If she wants to keep a child and force the father to pay child support that's fine and dandy, too. But when does the dad get a say? I personally don't think any child should be able to be placed for adoption until paternity is proven through DNA testing, and the father signs off on it. If she doesn't want the child, but he does, shouldn't she give him the child and pay child support?<br />
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3. Now at the age of 4, and only knowing that she lives with her Daddy and Mommy, and they love her, how come Veronica can't get a best interest hearing? If the Capobianco's think it is in Veronica's best interest for her to come home with them, why are they not saying, "Yes, do a best interest hearing, and we will follow along with what it says."?<br />
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4. Last question.... Do you have small children? Do you remember when your grown children were young? Look at your child, pictures of your child, memories of your child. Whichever is easier for you. Now imagine that I want your child. The child you love. The child you created. The child that is happy in your home. The child that is cared for, healthy, and thriving..... Now can you give me that child? I would love him/her just as much, I swear. I would do everything I could to make sure that child is happy in my home, and you can visit and call anytime. If you said no, then please go to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/StandingOurGroundForVeronicaBrown">https://www.facebook.com/StandingOurGroundForVeronicaBrown</a> and share your support for this little girl to stay with her father. And if you said yes, then maybe you should give your child to the Capobianco's. They really want one.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-22801509917877838942013-05-13T11:32:00.001-07:002013-05-13T11:32:23.248-07:00Apparently I'm a Little SlowYou would think that some things are quite obvious when it comes to life, but I am living proof that it isn't. I just recently realized another way that adoption has touched my life, and in this way I truly was the bad guy. :(<br />
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You all have probably figured it out already. If you have read my blog from the beginning. And you will probably be surprised that it just recently hit me!!!<br />
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In this post <a href="http://myfightformotherhood.blogspot.com/2012/05/new-beginning.html">http://myfightformotherhood.blogspot.com/2012/05/new-beginning.html</a> I talked about finding out I was pregnant with J2, and my new beginning with motherhood. But if you read between the lines, I also admit there that I left his biological father, and went back to my husband. The man that is on J2's birth certificate, and has raised him, is not his father. And although there was never an adoption, just a simple signing of the birth certificate, I for all intents and purposes, forced adoption on my sweet new baby boy.<br />
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J2 did not know until he was 4 that there was another daddy out there. I will never forget the conversation. And I will never forget the tears. I also will never forgive myself for waiting until he was 4 to tell him. If he had always known, maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much.<br />
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And in this post <a href="http://myfightformotherhood.blogspot.com/2012/09/i-dont-understand.html">http://myfightformotherhood.blogspot.com/2012/09/i-dont-understand.html</a> I talked about how wrong it was for mothers to take the choice of parenthood away from fathers. Granted it is a little different, since I kept and raised my son. I didn't place him with others. But in essence I did the same thing. I made sure that the father didn't have a choice in another man being on the birth certificate. I did so without asking the father. Now I could say I got lucky, in the fact that the father didn't want to raise him unless we were together. I could say that it's different, because he doesn't mind that someone else is on the birth certificate. Which is all true, and does make it a little bit different. But not enough to make what I did okay.<br />
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Now that I have admitted that, I will tell you what recently happened. J2 has been asking for about 2 years to meet his father. But since he lives several states away, it has been pretty much impossible. But he called me a few weeks ago and told me that he would be in town, and if J2 still wanted to see him, we could do it then.<br />
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I told J2 that he was coming and he would be able to see him, and he started crying. I told him, "If you don't want to see him, you don't have to." He replied, "No, I do want to see him. I'm sad because he has to go back to Texas." That's when it hit me. I did this to my baby. That's when I started looking at it from an adoption angle.<br />
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I have to go for now. But I will be back soon, and I will tell you all about the visit. It happened on May 3rd. And it was a good visit. I just don't have time now to do it justice in the telling.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-64932451171220833702013-05-01T23:12:00.001-07:002013-05-01T23:12:47.940-07:00ChangesThere have been quite a few changes going on in my house. And even more going on in my mind. I have been stuck about what to write, as I feel like an imposter. Now I realize what changes need to be made. And they will be hard changes. But it's something I have to do.<br />
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First I need to stop limiting my fight for motherhood to only the adoptions of my two oldest sons. I have a daily fight for my motherhood with the 2 children that I am raising too. So now I think I need to talk about those things a little bit.<br />
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My biggest fight is for my youngest son, J2. He was diagnosed at 6 years old with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and a mood disorder not otherwise specified. When I asked what that meant I was told, "That means we don't know what's wrong with him." Very comforting.... NOT.<br />
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I have fought for my right to parent my child the best way I know how. I have fought schools, counselors, hospitals, and DFCS. I have to be his biggest advocate. No one else is going to do it. And no one knows my son like I do. So I fight this battle with honor.<br />
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Now the hard part. I know my son, very well. But I am just now learning some things about myself. Like I am learning that I have been doing some things wrong. And I'm figuring out how to fix those things. I have done a lot of reading on ODD. And I have learned a lot of new things. No thanks to his therapist (that I am changing by the way). I learned that the irrational fears that come on all of a sudden are REAL. My son was never afraid of the dark, never afraid of being alone in a room. Never afraid of danger. Now he is. My son is terrified to sleep by himself. So now after years of sleeping alone, I have to sit on the side of my sons bed until he goes to sleep. But it gives him comfort, and it gives him security. So I will do this, as long as I have to. I will now fight my husband, on how J2 should be treated. I don't know where this is going to lead me, but it will lead me into a better, happier motherhood. After all, isn't that what this is all about?<br />
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I will be back soon to write more on this. But now, since I have stayed up another hour just to make sure he is sound asleep, I am going to go back to bed. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-45204311980655072732013-01-16T21:14:00.001-08:002013-01-16T21:14:37.099-08:00How Blind People Can BeI work in a restaurant. I think I have mentioned this before. I think I have also mentioned that C lived across the street from this restaurant his entire adopted life until a few months ago. This ties into what I am trying to say.<br />
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I work for a wonderful man. He is fair and he is just, in his dealings with us workwise and on a personal level. I have talked to him a lot. He was raised in foster care and group homes, and refused to be adopted when the chance arose. I also work with a sweet girl that was adopted as a toddler, and is in search of one of her brothers. She has found the other one, and does get updates on him from his social worker. She can even go see him once a year when she takes vacation, and travels to that state. I also work with 2 women that can't have kids for medical reasons that they have not disclosed. These 2 women plan to adopt one day. I have tried to talk them out of it, to no avail.<br />
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They have watched C outside skateboarding. He would look at his house to make sure no one was watching so he could wave at me. They have watched him sneak to see me when he got off the bus before his adoptive parents got home. They have seen the tearful goodbyes, not knowing when we would be able to see each other again. They have talked to us. They have listened to us. They have asked questions.<br />
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They have watched my sweet almost 2 year old A, look out the window across the street and say, "Mama, where Bubba?" Because he isn't out there any more. He has moved. They have watched the tears come every time she asks. Not just tearing up, a full fledged, can't stop it, waterfall.<br />
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They have heard my 8 year old J2 express his hatred for these people that are keeping him away from his brother. They have heard it all.<br />
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So you would think.... Wouldn't watching that for 3 years, hearing about it for 3 years, stop you from wanting to be a part of that? Apparently not. When it comes to a woman that can't have a child, wanting one... They turn blind. I can only hope that they have learned enough to have fully open adoptions if and when they proceed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-87677204655464964882012-12-12T18:07:00.001-08:002012-12-12T18:07:27.400-08:00Not hiding anymoreI have had a lot going on with C. I was supposed to be able to see him now that someone else has custody. But once again, I am the big bad birthmother that will never be any good. I'm not worthy enough to see my son since I "gave up on him." I am not allowed to contact him. He has agreed, according to her, to never speak my name again. So until he is 18, I have to wait to try to speak to him. Until then, I have started a new blog to write him letters. Hopefully he will see them one day.<br />
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This is what I don't understand. This lady that has him now says I can't see him because he is in so much pain because I have given up on him sooo many times. And he was asking "why?" So she thinks it's better if he doesn't see me. Isn't that counter productive. No one can answer that question but me. I never "gave up on him" in the sense that everyone is using it. But not one of these people who claim to love him so much want him to get the answer to that question. Why? How is he supposed to process this and heal as much as he can when he has a question, and no answer? Could you? I know I couldn't. One day he will be able to ask me. And one day there will be no legal way anyone can stop me from answering. I pray that when that day comes he will find forgiveness in his heart for the weak, scared teenager that I was. The girl that didn't know how to fight. But whether he forgives me or not, I pray he finds some peace from the hurt that has haunted him his entire life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-59287314373261742012012-11-19T12:48:00.000-08:002012-11-19T12:48:13.529-08:00Maybe One Day....Maybe one day I will be logical. Maybe one day I will have faith in myself. Maybe one day I will realize that I deserve to be happy, and then maybe THAT day, I will be.<br />
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I am sitting here in my living room, with A taking a nap in my room. J1 and J2 sitting side by side on the couch watching Madagascar 3. I realize that C is the only one missing today. I do know now that he is okay. I can't say anything more about that right now, but one day I will have the whole story to share. But I am sitting here thinking, "This is how it's supposed to be." My husband is at work and my 2 middle kids are sitting here being brothers, like it should have always been. In this moment, (besides missing C) I am a happy Mama.<br />
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It is also nice knowing that I don't have to spend the whole time he is here talking to him. I know he will always be here. I don't have a crazy AMom just looking for a reason to take him away from me. His mom is truly a wonderful woman. And though I don't have to spend the whole time "spending time" with him, I think I'm going to go now, and just look at my sons being brothers in my living room. :) It is still a wonder. I'll be back another day. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-70604328879494756842012-11-06T20:40:00.001-08:002012-11-06T20:40:31.919-08:00Happy 17th Birthday CWell, today is C's 17th birthday. So much has changed in the last month or so. At one point he was coming to live with me. Then he was going to live with his girlfriend. Now I am pretty sure he isn't wanting to talk to me at all. Even though I held back and never told him how I felt about him moving in with the girlfriend. All I can figure is he needs his space. And I can understand that. I will give him all the time he needs, and make sure he knows that I will always be here. If he ever wants me again. But I find it fitting today to tell the story of my first born son.<br />
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I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I had been trying to get pregnant for a while. I came from an abusive home, where we weren't really loved. And in the mind of a know it all teenager, I thought the way to fix that was to have a baby. That would be someone who would love me unconditionally. I know, I know... Illogical thought processes. Haha<br />
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Anyway, I was still living in my dad's house, and went to the health department and they told me I was pregnant. I immediately sat in the floor and cried like a baby. How was I going to take care of a baby?!?! Yeah, I probably should have thought of that first. Also, why would I bring a baby into a family that I didn't even want to be in? So I did the next (il)logical thing that came to mind... I took off. I moved over an hour away with a man that had shown interest in me when I was 15. Sick I know. I should have had better sense. But I want to tell this story honestly, so here it is. I knew he was a man with a job. I knew he was interested in me. I knew he had custody of his daughter. So I figured he would do.<br />
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I got huge with C. I was 116 pounds when I got pregnant and over 200 when I had him. (I don't know the exact weight. I quit looking at 199 when I was almost 8 months.) I remember watching the World Series that year. I was hoping that my son would want to play baseball. I loved to play as a kid. On November 1st I was already 3 days overdue, and the Braves won the World Series. I was so excited that I was jumping up and down on the couch at my Uncles house. He told me to stop because he was not going to have me giving birth in his living room.<br />
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3 days later, I was still not in labor. So 2 of my Aunts decided to walk the baby out of me. At first they had me walking up and down the stairs of the condos that one of them lived in. They could hear me when I stopped and would push me on. Finally I told them that I couldn't climb the stairs any more. They took me to WalMart, and they sat in the little dining area as I walked back and forth. I was so tired, and I still wasn't in labor. So I kept an eye on my watch and started faking contractions. Sad, I know, but I just wanted to lay down, and this was a sure fire way to end up in a hospital bed. :)<br />
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We get to the hospital late at night on November 4th. They hook me up to all these monitors and inform me that I am having contractions every minute. I still don't feel anything though. I got to rest that night, and the next day the nurses had me walking the halls. After hours of trying to get me to dilate, and breaking my water, I am not progressing. I was dilated to a 3, contractions every minute, and nothing. They gave me an epidural the evening of the 5th. They also had me sign a consent for a c-section. They told me that if I did not progress through the night, they would do the surgery in the morning.<br />
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I still didn't progress. The next morning I went in for surgery with my Aunt by my side. I was terrified. I did not want to have a baby this way. A few minutes later, I heard the sweetest sound. The cry of my first born child. My sweet C. My Pooh Bear. I couldn't stop crying. Already, he was my world. Happy Birthday C. You will always be my baby!<br />
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I just realized the irony of this. I wanted C so I could have the one person that would love me unconditionally. And I think I may have messed that up, too. Maybe I'm not meant to be loved? Sad, yes, but sometimes I really feel that way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-46701717090469961102012-10-29T06:03:00.001-07:002012-11-02T19:45:46.404-07:00Doing a Little BetterI did get to see J1 for a little while Friday. I just picked him up from school and took him home. He seems to be doing okay. He did tell me to text him anytime. That he is usually just playing the xbox. lol I still haven't talked to C. Since I picked J1 up from school, I couldn't be at my job Friday when he got off the bus. I have to be there this Friday. This is the last Friday before he turns 17. I am so worried about him. I just really need to talk to him before he does anything on November 6th.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-31027470140288162872012-10-15T21:42:00.001-07:002012-10-15T21:42:47.130-07:00Reliving It Again and AgainI still have not had a chance to talk to C. I want to tell him that I want him to come home, although I know it is his choice and I will stand behind him 100%. I won't tell him everything else.<br />
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Also, I feel that J1 doesn't really want to talk to me that much any more. We text sometimes, and that is nice, but he doesn't text as often as he used to or for as long. And now, I always have to text him first.<br />
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I have started having the nightmares again. But they are different. They aren't babies any more. They are teenagers, just like they are now. And I can see that they are hurting. Yet when I try to talk to them, and be there for them, they tell me, "If you wanted to be my Mom, you should have been there always. It's too late now." I know they probably are hurting, and questioning the relationship with me. Or it could just be that they are teenage boys that don't need to talk to me that often. I am hoping it's the latter.<br />
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I have also started having social anxiety problems real bad again. They were getting better, but I'm back at square one now. 2 days after C told me that he wasn't moving home with us, I went with my husband to my niece's birthday party. I am very close to my niece and my sister in law, and couldn't wait to spend the day with them. But less than 5 minutes after arriving, I couldn't breathe. I was panicking and just wanted to go home. I couldn't explain why. My husband got a little upset with me. He told me that I should have told him before we went that I didn't want to go. I tried to explain to him that I did want to go, and I have no warning of when the panic attacks will hit. I think he understands a little. He told my sister in law and my niece that I wasn't feeling too well.<br />
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I am just wondering if the rest of my life will be like this. Will I be okay when I am having a good relationship with my boys? And then when they take a break or get too busy, will I revert to this shell of a person that I have been for so many years? I guess that's the price I have to pay for not being able to fight any longer. I have seen this saying a lot, and it is so true..... Adoption, the gift that keeps giving.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-50003441406923863182012-10-01T20:11:00.001-07:002012-10-01T20:11:48.904-07:00HeartbrokenI talked to C last Friday. He told me that he is not coming home to us. He plans to move in with his girlfriend and her parents. I was so looking forward to being his "mommy" again. I know he isn't a baby and he has to make his own decisions in life, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. :(<br />
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I am supposed to go see him again this Friday. I have been telling him that I will stand behind him no matter what he decides to do. I realized that I have not told him what I want, besides his happiness. I don't know if it is a good idea, or a bad idea, but this Friday I will be telling him that although I will stand beside him with any decision he makes, I WANT him to come home. Hopefully he just understands that I love him, and miss him. And hopefully he doesn't see it as a controlling thing, just a mom telling her child how much she loves him, and misses him. I will let you all know how that goes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-70275636440725039222012-09-22T20:09:00.001-07:002012-09-22T20:09:50.805-07:0045 Days To GoC will be 17 in 45 days. He is planning on coming home then. I know it will be a big adjustment if he does, but we can work through it. I really don't have much to say tonight, just wanted you all to know that I am counting down the days. And praying he is strong enough to leave her and come home. I miss my Pooh Bear!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-79349847987795725302012-09-20T00:38:00.001-07:002012-09-22T20:47:15.484-07:00I Don't Understand!!!This is not about my story, but about others that I am reading, and some I saw on that stupid show "I'm Having Their Baby."<br />
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If a woman does not want her child, for whatever reason, and the father does want the child, why doesn't she just give the baby to him??? How can a woman take that decision away from him? And the court system does the same thing. I have been following 2 stories where the dad wanted the child, and the mother placed the child for adoption anyway. And now the dads are fighting in court for their children!!! And it's taking forever! With no guarantees.<br />
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Also the children who were kidnapped from foreign countries and sold to adopters here in the US. When there is proof that the child was never placed for adoption and a court in the original country demands the return of a kidnapped child, why does our government not step in? I have to admit that I have lost a lot of faith in our legal system over my lifetime. I believed when I was younger that these people were here to help us. I starting learning in middle school just how wrong I was.<br />
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I will continue to pray for all the mothers and fathers fighting for their children. And I will pray for the world to understand how wrong it is, and make some changes. Mainly that the first thing people ask is if it can't be an open adoption. It shouldn't even be brought up when no adoption should have taken place to begin with! One day these children will grow up and realize what was done to them. And I hope the kidnappers get what they deserve.<br />
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Okay my vent for the day is over now. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-63575897243396044082012-09-19T12:19:00.001-07:002012-09-20T00:48:48.241-07:00A MisunderstandingOkay, so I have told you about my fight to keep my youngest son, all because I was homeschooling. So now I need to tell you about a conversation I had with my baby boy not too long ago.<br />
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We were just finishing up Language Arts, and he says, "Mama, DFCS was wrong for taking us to court. You do a good job teaching me."<br />
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I replied, "Thank you baby. Sometimes people don't understand, and they think we are doing something wrong, even though we are doing the best thing for our kids. So they do what they can to find out what we should be doing."<br />
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He thought about that for a few minutes, and then asked, "Mama, when they took C and J1 away, were you doing things wrong? Or was it a misunderstanding, too?"<br />
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My eyes immediately filled up with tears. I told him it was a misunderstanding. So he says, "I can't believe I had to grow up without my brothers just because of a misunderstanding. I wish you could have proved you were doing good back then."<br />
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It is so heartbreaking to have my 8 year old ask me such questions. It is heartbreaking that he should even understand at such a young, innocent age how crooked this world is. All I can do is try to teach him that yes, the world can be crooked, but there are good people too. And teach him to always do what is right, and try to help change the world when he grows up. I have my work cut out for me. But at least I know that he understands that I am a good Mother, and that he should have always known his brothers. <br />
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<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6013483959705165595.post-10805970859033938992012-08-15T11:01:00.001-07:002012-09-19T12:20:28.105-07:00Social AnxietyI have mentioned in a previous post that I didn't feel that I deserved to be happy. I have just discovered recently, how far that went. This story is not exactly adoption related, but my adoption past played a big role in my actions.<br />
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I met Alex on Christmas Day 2008. He was gorgeous. Way out of my league. lol I am a waitress and met him at work. He was a customer. Everyone knew him, but since I didn't normally work that shift, this was the first time we had ever met. He is from Mexico City, and I have a granddaughter (from my step daughter) that is half Mexican. My granddaughter's father was born and raised in the US. He doesn't speak Spanish, and knows nothing of his heritage. I decided that if my granddaughter was to know, I would need to help teach her. At this time she was 9 months old. I was soaking up the Mexican culture. I decided to ask Alex about the Mexican Holidays. How do they celebrate Christmas? What is Cinco de Mayo? Anyway, while we were talking he asked me to look him in the eyes so he could see my eyes clearly because they were beautiful. I immediately informed him that I was married and had 6 children and a grandchild. But thanks for the compliment anyway. :)<br />
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He didn't believe I had that many kids. As my youngest stepdaughter worked there, too, and they knew each other, I told him she was my daughter. He called her over and asked her who I was. She replied "My mom." Then he asked how many kids I have and she said 6. That ended our conversation. A week later my daughter called me from work and told me that she had told Alex that her dad and I were going through a divorce and I only had 1 child living at home with me. He was up there waiting for me because he wanted to take me out. I told her to send him home and tell him I don't date.<br />
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It took him 3 months to get the first date. I wasn't interested, and wanted to just concentrate on me and my son. Finally I gave in and went on one date. During that date (which I don't know how I made it through) he told me that he knew I had 3 step children, and 1 son at home with me..... That doesn't add up to 6. Where are the other 2? So I told him the story of C and J1. It took another month for me to go out with him again. Now is where the problems start....<br />
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I work in a very public place. Don't know if any of you reading this know about the restaurant Waffle House, but I am sure you could check it out online. I honestly don't know how I work there with social anxiety, but when I'm working I am a very different person. Anyway, every time Alex wanted to take me out, I would agree to go to "my" Waffle House. I couldn't go anywhere else. Like I said, I don't know how I made it through the first date, which was not at my job. I tried a few times to go to other restaurants with him. I would sit there and cry for a few minutes, before just getting up and walking out. I would tell him to call me when he was done. I felt suffocated in these places. I couldn't eat, drink, or breath!!!<br />
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I would also leave family functions. We would go to birthday parties or Christmas parties, and the next thing you know Alex is left there, and has to call me when he's done. I tried several times to break up with Alex. He deserved better. He loved going out, and family affairs meant a lot in his family. His first birthday we were together I made him eat at Waffle House. The second I made a big dinner and invited his whole family.... Then I sat outside my own home and cried until everyone left.<br />
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I don't know how Alex stuck with me for so long, but he did. A year and a half after we got together, my oldest sons A Mom got in touch with me. I got to start building a relationship with my "baby".<br />
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This is what I just figured out.... It was after I got to see my kids that I started opening myself up to being happy. I started going to new restaurants. I was able to stay the full time at family functions. It wasn't easy. There were still times that I left, but it got steadily better. I became a member of society again. Right now, I am having trouble again, but I believe it's because I know of the pain my oldest son is in, and that there is nothing I can do about it. But I still try. I did not realize until recently, that when I lost my sons, I lost myself completely.<br />
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Alex and I just got married on July 19. :) And we have our sweet little Alexia. He is a great step dad to Joshua. He holds me when I cry for my boys, and rejoices in anything that goes right. He is there. For better or worse. Lord knows, he has probably had enough of the "worse" but he isn't giving up. He does have some problems trying to deal with the fact that he has two step sons that are almost grown, when he just became a dad 17 months ago. I think it was okay to take on a 4 year old step son, and then to start our family with a little girl. But I can see how it is much different to have an "idea" about teenage step kids, and the reality of having them. I have to give him credit though. He doesn't back down from a challenge. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2