Thursday, August 21, 2014

I am so sad again

I have an app downloaded to my phone called Timehop Abe. It connects to my Facebook and pulls us posts that happened on this day up to 4 years ago. Every other day I am seeing posts of the fight for Veronica Brown. And every day my heart is breaking again. I go online and google everything I can about the case. And everything pretty much disappeared a year ago when he handed her over. I can not get this little girl out of my mind. It doesn't help that because of her Hispanic heritage she looks a little like my daughter. And maybe it's even harder now because I haven't seen my daughter in almost a month. On the 24th, the day I learned last year about him handing her over will be a month that I have not seen my sweet Alexia. I don't know when I will see her again. Or if I will end up in jail for back child support before I get a chance to see her. My ex is reminding me a lot of the Capobiancos. He has no heart. He doesn't care about that little girl that he is withholding from me. He doesn't care about anything but himself, and what he can do to prove he is superior to everyone. I will not rest until I get my daughter back. And get her away from the people that are ruining her mind. They are teaching her all kinds of awful things. Like that her brothers are not her brothers and that we are all "yucky". That she needs to stay with her daddy at night because he is by himself and he will be scared. I just want to wrap my baby in my arms and protect her. And I wish Dusten had been able to do the same with Veronica.

I wish all the mothers and fathers out there fighting for their children out of love and caring could hold their children close and protect them from the crazies in this world.

Monday, August 11, 2014

I thought the fights were over

I honestly thought the fights for my children were over. Then I filed for divorce. And I lost my daughter. The first thing they talked about in court was the fact that I had lost Christopher and Jeremy all those years ago. It didn't matter that Jeremy's adoptive mom wrote a letter to the judge telling him what a good mom I am. And that she lets me keep Jeremy any time I want to. And now both Christopher and Jeremy live at home with me. And I haven't seen my daughter in 3 weeks.

They taught her to say that Joshua's dad had molested her, which he would never do that. And then finally she stopped saying it. The investigators determined that it was untrue. And then 3 weeks ago she showed me and told me how her daddy touched her. I called the police. I took her to the hospital. And CPS was called. And because her daddy has primary physical custody he could decide where she went. He decided to let his sister keep her. The same sister that taught her to say that John molested her. And I had to turn her over in front of the case worker. My daughter was crying and screaming. She looked terrified. And they had to pry her out of my arms. She didn't want to let go. That woman is destroying my child. And there is nothing I can do about it. Because as CPS says, "Her dad presents himself well, and is very cooperative. And you have a history of not cooperating. And there have already been allegations of her being molested in your care."

So they have not told me anything. And I have not seen my daughter. And I am dying inside. I don't know where to turn any more. But I will never walk away. I am a damn good mother. And I will continue my fight for motherhood, because that is what I was meant to be. A mother.