I read a blog post this morning. And it helped me put this into words. I have thought it several times, but wasn't able to put it in words coherently. This is the blog post I read. Adoption Is Ugly. And it brought me to tears. I know they both love their son. And I know they get it. They know how hard this is on this little boy that didn't ask for this life. He loves both of his moms. And he's torn right down the middle. And both of his moms know this. But I want to present a situation. I want to know what everyone thinks of it. How should it be done? How would you do it? I will say now that what I am writing today is not about them. I don't know their whole story. And I don't know what they would do in this situation. But it is a good post, and well worth the read.
There is a mom that finds herself in a crisis. Pregnant with her child that she knows she can't care for right now. She calls an adoption agency, and makes the difficult decision to do the best for her baby and chooses another family to raise and love this sweet life. She makes the "loving option" to do what's in the best interest of the child. (These are the adoption industries words, not mine.)
Now the two families are joined together by this little boy. They are honest and open with each other. They acknowledge the pain caused by the adoption. And they love this little boy more than life itself. After all they are both mom, and this is what moms do.
The first mom overcomes her crisis. In this instance I will use the fact that she didn't have a job, and therefore couldn't afford to take care of the baby. She gets a good job. She meets a nice man, settles down and gets married. Buys a home. Everything she couldn't do. And everything that stood out and made her choose the second mom. She talks to and visits her son every chance she gets. Both moms are glad there is such a strong connection.
Now their son turns 14. He is a good kid. He loves his parents. All of them. He decides that he would like to move in with his first mom. She has other children now. His siblings. She can clearly afford to take care of him. And she would love the chance to have what the second mom has. To be able to kiss him goodnight every night. Cook his dinner. Take him to football practice. Help him with his homework. You know, all the things she has missed out on. The things she didn't feel she could do at the time, but now she can. And of course he would still have two moms. He would be able to talk to and see his second mom just as much as he did with his first mom. Nothing would change but the childs address. What do you think should happen here? What would you do, as the fist mom or the adoptive mom? You each made the choice in the best interest of the child when he was too young to make the choice for himself. What do you do when he is old enough? Adoptive moms, do you love your child enough to let them go?