My continued fight.

My son had been in a foster home for 2 months, when I found out that I was pregnant again. I was able to see him for 1 hour a week. Supervised visits in the DFCS office. I had to tell my caseworker that I was pregnant. She immediately started talking to me about putting the new baby in a foster home, while I worked on getting my first son back. Or putting him up for adoption. Those were the two choices she gave me. I refused either. Then she suggested getting my tubes tied. Because at 18, she already knew that was all I needed.

I had a rough pregnancy with my second son, but it didn't stop me from completing everything that DFCS had asked me to do. I also had to go to a panel review. My oldest son was 9 months old, and I was 5 months pregnant. They thought I was doing great. But they just had a few more things they wanted me to do. They put it all on paper, on the new case plan, and we all signed it. I didn't know at the time, that by signing the case plan there, I was admitting I needed to do these things. Which included more parenting classes, although I had already completed 2 different ones. These were better, they said. If I had refused to sign it, they would have had to take it in front of the judge, and I would have at least had a chance of not having to do this stuff again. But like I said, I didn't know that at the time.

I gave birth to my second son when my first son was 13 months old. I was terrified that DFCS would take him from me at the hospital. They didn't and I got to bring my baby home. He was born in December, and then in February, my fiance got full custody of his 3 kids. They were 8, 7 and 5 at the time. So now I have 4 kids full time, and still DFCS thinks I am not worthy to have my oldest son home with me.

Finally I hired a lawyer. I don't know how he did it, but the next thing I knew he called me into the office and told me that DFCS had 72 hours to figure out how to remove the other children from my care, or give my son back. The next day, my caseworker called me to the DFCS office to get my son. And to talk to his foster mom about his schedule, and anything else I would need to know. I couldn't believe that it was that easy!!! My baby was coming home.

I had him for only 3 months. My caseworker would come to the house while my new husband was at work. She would tell me repeatedly that I would slip up. And the first time I did, they would take both of my children and I would never see either one again. I held up to that for 3 months. I couldn't handle losing my children. I would rather die. I gave her her wish. I took a whole bottle of sleeping pills, lay down with my babies, and went to sleep.... Happy.

That's as far as I can get in my story tonight. The tears are blinding me, and my hands are shaking. I will pick up again when I can continue...