Sunday, July 29, 2012

A Recent Visit

I had a visit with my second born son this past Wednesday. It is the second time I have been able to keep him in my home. It's strange. He will be 16 in December, and I don't know him at all. I want to. Occasionally he brings up things about when he was younger, or about the adoption in general. What am I supposed to say? I so bad just want to tell him that I am so sorry that I couldn't fight harder. That they had me on these medicines that affected my ability to feel, to even know what I was doing. But I don't know if he is ready to hear the whole story yet. I have told my oldest some of it. Not the whole story, but the main parts.

Anyway, I took him to the restaurant that I work at to get something to eat. He ordered a chocolate chip waffle. Our waitress said, "You and C and this chocolate. hahaha" Then I started thinking, I feel so bad, because all these people know both of my sons, and they don't know each other. They aren't allowed to know each other. That is really the reason that C's mom stopped the contact this last time. I know I haven't went through that whole story of her yet, but just thought I'd let you all know how crazy she is. She sent me a text one morning telling me that I would no longer be able to have any contact with C. When I asked her why, she responded with "Because you gave him J1's phone number." How can you not want your son to know his brother? She knew that I was talking to J1 too. Even expressed how happy she was for me. Yet never once told me that she didn't want C to have anything to do with him.

My whole point to this post is that I can't wait for the day that I can have all of my children together in one place, and take a picture. I have pictures with each of my kids, but none with all of them. Sad when you think about the fact that I have been back in contact with them for so long.

Well, I have to get ready for work now. Just had to get this out first. Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday.


  1. (((Loving Mother))) I am so sorry she is so caught up in herself she cannot see what is best for your son. If she truly loved YOUR son the way she is supposed to, then there would be no issue and she would want this for him.

    But I guess that is it. Adopters don't really know how to love our children because they didn't adopt them for our children's sakes, they adopted them for their own sakes. It never was about the best interests of our children rather than the best interests of the adopters and they keep proving this by what they do to our children. It really is sad.

    I am really hoping a beautiful relationship grows between you and your sons and one day, you will have that photo of all your children toegther. Much love xxx

  2. Thank you, Myst for reading my blog. It means a lot to know that I have reached someone. :) But yes, you are exactly right. She could never love him like I do. She is too worried about how her "family" looks from the outside. And if he is "unhappy" enough with her to even consider a relationship with his first mother, then her family doesn't look good enough. I just can't wait until he is old enough to be able to do what he wants. I just hope he is strong enough. I know some adoptees aren't. At least for a while. I hate to think of my son as unhappy.

  3. Dont you wish more people care about how their family feels, rather than how it looks!!!!